understanding anger

Think about the things that regularly trigger your anger (like running late or being blamed for something you didn’t do). This might help you find a way to respond differently. It might be possible to avoid these triggers in the future, react differently when they happen, or allow you to let others know your triggers so that they can help. 
 
Know your ‘angry signs’. These can be things like; feeling hot or flushed, clenched fists or teeth, a tight feeling in your chest, or your heart beating faster. If you recognise the early signs of anger, you’re in a position to try some new ways to manage this feeling. 

Understanding the underlying things that may be contributing to your anger can help you calm your anger response. This can make it much easier to work out solutions or alternatives to aggression. 
 

• Did someone do something that I felt hurt or upset by? 
• Do I have other feelings right now that might affect the way I’m reacting, like being sad or embarrassed, or feeling a loss of connection to my friends or my mob?  
• Does the situation bring up bad memories? 

Some people find it easier to write down or draw their answers to these questions. 

As anger increases, so does our body’s physical reaction. There are a few ways to reduce the intensity of our body’s reactions:

• Slow your breathing. Taking some long slow deep breaths can help to slow down your heart rate, lower your core temperature, and get your thinking brain back online. 
  
  
• Taking a break. You could walk away from a situation until you’ve calmed down – this will stop you from acting in a way that hurts you or someone else.
  
  
• Connecting with nature. Connecting with nature can help to calm down the mind and body, and give you some space, so you can decide how to respond to the situation in a healthier way.
  
  
• Using delay or distraction. Try counting slowly to 10 or doing something physical, like push-ups or bouncing a ball. 
  
  

These strategies can help you feel less angry and calmer and stop you from saying or doing something you might regret.

Brainstorm some helpful ways to express and resolve your anger. It might help to ask yourself questions like:

• How can I explain the situation in a respectful way?
  
  
• How might other people feel about this situation?
  
  
• What do I want to happen now? Is this reasonable or do I need to think about a compromise?
  
  
• Can I deal with this while being respectful to myself and others involved?
  
  

Communicating clearly can help you express your anger in healthy ways instead of bottling it up or becoming aggressive. Like all new skills, this can take time and practise. For example you could say, ‘I’m feeling really angry at the moment and need some time out before I can talk more about this’.  

Check out our interactive tool on communicating well for more tips.

• Your family and friends, a teacher or coach, or your mob or Elders might have ideas about how you can express your anger in healthy ways. Talking with them can be a great place to start.
  
  
• If you’re being harassed, bullied or discriminated against, there are people who can help. A counsellor, a welfare officer at your school or your GP (general practitioner) could help you manage what’s going on.
  
  
• If your anger related problems continue without improvement, then talking to your GP or a mental health professional could help. They could teach skills, like relaxation and communication, help you understand your anger, and help you deal with anger in a healthy way.  

Remember, we can’t always change the things that make us angry, but we can change the way we respond.